2003-12-19 at 1:42 p.m.
I am trying to search down inside of me to write this, I always do, but there seems to annoyingly be a lock with no keyhole, or other means of opening, on the things that I believe I need to deeply consider thinking about, sorting out, but it seems as if I don't have that chance. It's always there, but all thats unlocked is the scenario I seem to be a part of, not the solution, or even a way out, just the scenario, going over and over in my mind. I've lost so many people already, I'm scared of losing you, no matter how inevitable it seems to be.
The only thing occupying my mind is that. I found it there again this morning. For the first time in about a year, and it frightened me at first to think that everything is back, all that what I went through, but at the same time I can't help but think that this could all finally be over, over if I don't tell anyone. Let it do what it has to do, and consume me. Along with life. It was stopped before, but I don't want it to be this time.
I'm missing him more and more, more than ever as Christmas draws in. I would love to be like everyone else at christmas, but there is always something missing. I want you there, just this once. Please? Is that selfish to ask? You were wrongfully taken away from me, from us, we never had our time. Time was stolen from us. Will we ever have it returned? Its really daunting thinking about going through life with that gap in my heart, in my life. Which can not and will not ever be filled. It's not something that can. No one can replace that. And I don't know how much longer I can cope with that. Mother has started going through all the picture albums and taking you out from there, why? I don't understand that. I dare not ask, just in case I hear something I am afraid of. I'm scared that soon I will have nothing but my thoughts to remember you by.
Why does she hate you so much? You did nothing wrong. The person responsible for taking you away did something wrong, not you. Will she grow to hate me the same way someday?
Cos I'm looking through the yearbook, and I find that empty space, there's a name without a picture but I can't forget her face, tell me where did she go, I want to know, where did Lizzy go? It's says picture unavailable right here, A moments sad, it makes me mad, to know somebody knows, theres a lying in your silence, tell me where did Lizzy go?
I love you and miss you Liz. X
One day, when I'm not so heartless and selfish I will cry for you. Cry for evertyhing, for everyone. For me.
As different methods of communication through technology improve and increase, the communication between people decrease. why? Why does that have to happen? Please don't be away too long, I don't think I could handle losing another.
last & next
newest archives profile notes image design host