2003-12-30 at 11:07 a.m.
You look me in the eyes, and you say so much to me, yet I go on and on about how that's not enough.
Maybe it's all better, maybe. I don't know quite yet. I just feel so bad, I've told you exactly how I feel, I tell you everything, and I can see how much pressure it is putting on you, you even said you can't handle hearing that. I'm sorry. I suppose I never saw that side of it. I just see the side that would make me so flattered to have someone think of me how I think of you, I don't see how much pressure that would also put on me.
After all that, I am scared that you will want out sooner or later, if not now. I would completely understand.
...As long as You love me.
Since he died, you have been the one and only person that has managed to matter as much, has been able to talk to me without saying a word, been able to drown out everything else, reach my heart. And I appreciate that, and if it was to end now, I would just be happy that I had that. I've been bought up to believe that nothing good lasts forever, so in a way, I'm expecting this to end, to go bad. Prove me wrong if you want, I know how much you'd like to do that.
It is just me & you, you & I against the world. We really don't need anyone else, but it's still so great that we still have other people. Other people that mean a lot.
It seems like I don't get as fresh a start as I wanted this New Year, but I will still try. There are many doubts in mind, thoughts of ending something that was good. Maybe.
To me, you are larger than life.
Saus-Aaage !
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