2004-01-10 at 11:46 p.m.
I don't know who to be...
How to be...
Where to be...
When to be...
The common answer is always be yourself. But you're not ready for that, you couldn't handle that. Heck ! I can't even handle that.
The process of eliminating seems to be happening. I didn't mean for it, at one time I did, but not now. And now that I feel it happening I can't help but feel a stroke of disappointment.
I honestly don't know how to understand or think of tomorrow. It surprised me, but at the same time I half expected it. It was the same with me. The same routine. A way of getting things to go the way you want it to go. Not allowing someone to chose something unless you agree with it. It was almost perfect.
Too perfect.
Today, We fight !
It's not clear why you let me do it, why after I've done it a couple of times, you still allow me to do it, you still put yourself in that situation where you know I will be weird.
Cos I want to be, where you sleep...
I can't unlock you. I've been searching for the key for so long, and one point thinking me, myself, was the key. I feel misguided. Mislead. Uninterpreted. I feel like I'm never given that chance to prove. I hate the fact that I am looking forward to college so much, knowing that I must be that unhappy with current circumstances to actually look forward to a change.
I'm whistling, why are you no where to be found ?
"I hate you, you Big Fat Meanie !"
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