2004-01-29 at 4:48 p.m.
It's that feeling that brings us all down. You make it sound like you are the only one, but you're not. It's that feeling that ruins a happy day, that feeling that everyone is so eager to have. The fact is we all need it. I don't think I even need to go as far as saying I want/need a girlfriend, just one true friend that made me feel like that, that made me feel that I didn't need to work. All my friends are great, just there is always an immense pressure there, and I never feel worthy or needed. That's not their fault, just obviously I expect too much. I don't believe that it necessarily has to be a girlfriend that makes me feel loved, and makes me smile everytime I see them, just a person. One person who I could hug and lay with and talk with for as long as I want. One person who would hold me when I need it, who would let me fall asleep with.One person, that I need never to have/or ever will fall out with. Everyone, when feeling that they need to be loved, always turn to a girlfriend, but I think, at our age, that that is the wrong thing to do. I want a person, that calls me, that makes me know I am wanted all the time, that no work is needed to build and keep the relationship alive, where there is no planning for the weekend, no having to arrange anything, it just happens. Also, their home, in which I can escape to, sleep.
I wouldn't trade the people I know now in for the world, just I believe I would be alot happier with them if I didn't have to work so hard with someone. Knowing, that no matter what happens with them, that I have the one person I never fall out with, never have to work for, never makes me feel pressured or lonely. Someone I feel easily to tell everything to, someone who finds it easy to tell me things, someone that even though I may depressed, I could never be depressed around.
Can it exist in this non-perfect world?
It's how I'm feeling. And I do not intend to cause offense, but no matter how hard you try, most of you could never be that, not now, there are too many complications, everyone is so tied up with everyone else, even if you don't realise it.
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