2004-03-08 at 10:29 p.m.
i wish i could say everything is okay. that i am happy, fulfilled and content with where i am right now, and where i'm headed. i wish i could fall asleep easily at night, and wake up in the morning pain-free.
unfortunately, everything is not okay. not even close to okay. i don't sleep much at all; i fear being asleep. i'm exhausted all of the time. i'm in pain all of the time. this past year has gradually gone down in flames. i'd really be content with being left completely alone for a while, until i'm ready to continue on with my life. i have a lot i want to do, i know how to get there, but this feeling (or lack thereof) is just too much for one person to handle.
I'm sorry for my actions, I wish I could explain them, but I have not the time, or the intelligence. It's all going wrong, and I don't have any control, and I don't want to be around much anymore. It's all gone. I can't deal with anything anymore, I wihs I had you, but I dont. It's not fair. I did have, but it got ruined by one person. How did that happen? How could we let that happen? We are now different people, thankyou. Grrr. Fucking hell. I hate this.