2004-04-05 at 8:23 p.m.
I've forgotten how to live, how to smile, how to breathe.
Its not easy when everything seems to collapse around you, out of control. I wish you understood what this meant. Maybe it is jealousy, maybe it is spite, but also, maybe I'm looking out for you, stopping you from getting hurt again, because it will happen. It wasn't enough last time, and I've never been enough. I wish you knew what you was doing, how stupid you are being.
You mean the world to me, and yet I can't help but to beging to feel hate, for the way you are treating me and everyone else. It's not fair, this was all finished with, we were fine, we hugged and talked and cried together, now I'm crying because of you. I never thought that would happen, and your sorry means nothing. I wish it helped, but it doesn't. You know what you have to do before you lose all of us except for that one person you seem to risk everything with, the one person that will hurt you the most.
I'm sorry I hung up on you, but you pissed me off, that silence is annoying, especially when things need sorting out. You have made me feel less than worthy of being the shit on the bottom of your shoe, and thats not fair beings I have done nothing but try to make you happy. Thats how this all started, me trying to make you happy, I could have carried on being happy in that situation, but I ended mine. You never once thanked me for that.
Thanks for being such a good friend.
I'm not a miracle. I'm not a saint. Just another soldier on the road to nowhere.
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