The voices told me to throw you away.
2004-07-16 at 12:57 a.m.

I long to be wholesome. I want to be a million miles away.

I forget the last time I told myself to "just get on with it". To stop thinking; I'm tired of thinking. I want to scratch my brain out. Thinking gets to me too much, I need to stop. I used to think that it would keep me sane losing myself in my thoughts once in a while, but I become addicted, and now I need a new means of losing myself, which is why I have begun to turn to music again.

I dreamed of us last night, dreamed of us happy, something that seems so unrealistic now. We layed in fields, full of flowers, that you found pretty, where we laughed, and smiled at being in each others company. There was not even a flicker of thought in either of our minds of anything but that scene. No one else entered our minds. I trembled, so you kissed me, creating a new tremble; nervousness.

You wanted this; a reaction. Its all about the reaction isn't it? And everytime I give you it. I'm weak and vulnerable because I am alone.

You can't kill a man if he has got no hope.

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